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 I've always been the one who sends people off, from my eldest brother when I was just a primary school student, to my sister, when I was preparing for my A Levels examination. I've watched them cry, kiss my father's hand, and watch their heads disappear as the escalator carry them. Yes, saying goodbye is difficult. And it doesn't get any easier.

Today, I said goodbye to most of my friends, some of my family members. You hug them, and then you are left with no words. Nobody really wants to part with someone they love. Some hand me some money, some give sincere, but rather useless, advice. Some just kiss you cheeks and say "Jaga diri dekat sana".

It is difficult, I guess to be the one who gets left behind. I would know. But now, I'm starting to learn that being the one who leaves, is always harder. 

At the same time, I feel grateful that I'm leaving. Leaving the unfamiliar means you get to start over. You leave those who have the utmost ability to hurt you, and meet new people who can learn to love you. I cut my hair, I wear red lipstick in hopes of becoming a new Sya, or Mel or Syajo. As you leave, you leave the happiness, the backbone, the familiarity and trade it in for the new. You discover new things, you go to places you've never been before. 

The people closest to you has the ability to break your heart. I have been blessed with beautiful relationships in my life, but nobody is perfect. We hurt others and others hurt us. Therefore, if there is anything that I'm looking forward to about saying goodbye is the the ability to say hello. And find the missing pieces that I hadn't been able to find here.

But yes, saying goodbye is difficult. And no matter how many times you do it, no matter what good may come out of it, it doesn't get any easier.