it was one of those days. (Wednesday, March 25, 2009 / 10:15 PM)
It was one of those days. Those moments when she would wake up in the morning and didn't who she was. She would be normal in order to follow the daily routines, instead of following her own will. Those would be the moments when she felt uneasy. She would think too much of life, expect too much for her own good. She would feel doubtful of her friends, as she often wondered who her true friends are.. and it hurts her so much, that she even had to ask that question. Her capabilities became invisible, blinded by insecurities. She judges herself to the point where vulnerability became an understatement.
What wouldn't she give to actually feel nothing? To feel empty of all emotions, freedom in its own way. To feel that her own view on life is slowly slipping away from her two eyes became fear at its highest peak. She does not know who she is, who she's supposed to be and who she wants to be. She can not make choices in those moments. She would think of those by her side, how very close they are to saying goodbye. Very close, now. In those days where she would say 'people always leave'.
It's one of those days where her heart was making effort to be still, though it became close to bursting. Her mind would stay intact, though it became close to being mad. Her muscles would move her body, though all she wanted to do was to stay home.
It was one of those days where her tears threatens to fall, but she wouldn't allow them to. She was too broken, that even tears dry up too fast. There was no point in crying. No point in confronting people about her problems because she knows that she would get the response she wouldn't want to hear.
Yes, it was one of those days.. but nobody would know of it. She would appear as normal as possible, laughing away. She only allowed her heart to cry inside of her. There was no reason why people should see her breaking down.
It was just one of those days.
